Every day is a new day, and you'll never be able to find happiness if you don't move on. - Carrie Underwood
I wrote to all of you a few months ago saying how Vin and I were back together and staying together. That didn't come true, and I hate how it sounds like we teenagers. Because what I thought was love when I was in my teens is not what I call love now. Far from it.
My dad was understanding about calling off the wedding, instead of postponing it like we have been doing for years now. I think God had a plan in that all along telling us that this wasn't for us. We just had to see for ourselves. It's hard to swallow and even more hard to swallow is the fact that we are really done, and we aren't hiding behind excuses this time.
When we broke up the last time, I hid behind the whole excuse of "I'm scared of him dying." And he still has Lupus which he fights every day just to make it out of the bed. His mental state is a lot better than what it was in 2016. He isn't hiding behind the excuse of if he dies or someone to take care of me and the kids.
Our kids already know. Though, we didn't have kids of our own together, we had managed to house plenty of kids. We have already made sure they are okay and have outlets where they can to people if they need that. We and the kids have already decided on who will stay with whom.
I, however, have struggled a little bit. What about all the time we spent together? What about our plans? People younger than me are having their own kids. I'm going to be ancient by the time my kids graduate. And all of these thoughts consumed me until I came across a graphic on Pinterest while looking for something;
My dad was understanding about calling off the wedding, instead of postponing it like we have been doing for years now. I think God had a plan in that all along telling us that this wasn't for us. We just had to see for ourselves. It's hard to swallow and even more hard to swallow is the fact that we are really done, and we aren't hiding behind excuses this time.
When we broke up the last time, I hid behind the whole excuse of "I'm scared of him dying." And he still has Lupus which he fights every day just to make it out of the bed. His mental state is a lot better than what it was in 2016. He isn't hiding behind the excuse of if he dies or someone to take care of me and the kids.
Our kids already know. Though, we didn't have kids of our own together, we had managed to house plenty of kids. We have already made sure they are okay and have outlets where they can to people if they need that. We and the kids have already decided on who will stay with whom.
I, however, have struggled a little bit. What about all the time we spent together? What about our plans? People younger than me are having their own kids. I'm going to be ancient by the time my kids graduate. And all of these thoughts consumed me until I came across a graphic on Pinterest while looking for something;
Don't compare your Chapter 1 with someone else's Chapter 20.It really helped me to stop thinking all of these things and be glad that I still have chapters to write. It's my story. Only time will tell who comes into my life and stays. This tea time is shorter than others because right now my life is a wreck. But in the few weeks you'll see how I am going to get my life back on track. And finish out the year strong!
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