I have thought about someone putting me out of my misery when I was having the bone marrow and stem cells surgeries for Bryant.
I realize I'm lucky that I've never felt this way. Honestly, I'm proud of it too.
If I ever became a person that was suicidal it wouldn't end well for me at all. I know how to use a gun better than anyone. I have more hunting knives than Tommy Lee has tattoos. I have arrows with sharp tips.
I have done things in the past I regret. However, if God can forgive me that's the only forgiveness I need.
Another way I am lucky looking at this subject is that my daddy truly taught me to love myself. Yes every morning I wake up looking like Ana and that's the extent of me talking bad about myself. I'm not a snob about it. I'm not one of these girls that barely eats anything. I eat a ton and I don't throw up. I FRIGGEN LOVE FOOD! And what's even better? I LOVE MYSELF AFTER EATING THE FOOD!
So no I have never wanted to end my life for any reason. One I knew it would put my daddy into unbearable pain because he had already lost one daughter and I was his gift from God when he married my mom.
No comments