Fresh Start Challenge Day 12: Life After You



I never thought I would need this song in my life. And I never dreamed I would let someone halt my life, but I did. 

What's bad? I had everyone telling me not to even give you a second look that I could do so much better. I guess part of me felt bad that you had been with Elle. We did like a lot of the same things. Or so I thought. Then I realized that you wanted me to be the rodeo girl that was content taking the back road. 

Maybe I should been a little more clear to begin with. I am a bold girl with a huge personality and it takes a small arsenal to hold me down. I will however, give you the benefit that you made me think for a little bit that I couldn't do any better. 

I am pretty sure we did care for each other, but knowing that you couldn't support my decisions and then lied and cheated. I think that's the part that still consumes me a little bit and I think that's what consumed you too at the end was that I was giving you the benefit of a doubt and still forgiving you. I really think that you thought I would be pissed that I would dump you on the spot. I remember sitting on that porch stoop covered in pumpkin guts with you telling me that you had slept with her with your son within 3 feet of you I may add. 

I'll be honest with you now. I had everything set up so I wouldn't have to come home from London. I had two different careers ready to start. Madame was the one that told me that she would support me through any decision I made but that she really wanted me to come back. 

Besides your over exaggerations and need to fit in (and failing miserably I may add), you weren't that bad. You were funny sometimes. You had your querks. But what made me want to get away so bad? Your mom and your clingy self. I should have seen the big red flag waving when she said you got that from her. Instead I passed it off as nothing. 

What's my number one pet peeve? Questions. As a teacher I don't mind them when it comes to my life, my family's life and my friend's lives. That is the quickest freaking way to piss me off. Yes your mom is what literally made me question things to begin with. 

I am close to my dad but I am not to the point where I am going to masturbate in front of my dad, no. I would sooner let my dad shoot me. Or shoot myself. I found that disturbing on so many levels. I don't care how old a person is unless they are truly a small child that isn't right. Besides my grandma has been punishing Carolina for masturbating all of her life. That's what normal parents do, they don't print out porn for their children. 

Also the cat situation needs to be addressed. I like cats. However, that is effin insane. There should be no reason for that especially when you are so worried about paying bills. That's ridiculous. No I never felt bad about your bill situation. I would get rid of my animals before I started wanting other people to pay my bills. Because let's face it you weren't kidding just a little about Charlene paying your bills.

And for the record my dad never cared for either of you. He said you both were too damn nosy and he fussed at me all the time about getting involved with the two of you. I kick myself daily for that too now. 

Yeah I had to lie to you several times because you were too damn nosy and you got all pissy but take a hint. I didn't want to be your daughter in-law. And for the record it was me that told him to tell your parents that your smoking had got out of hand, not Chris like you thought. I am just that much like Chris. And I am proud of that. 

But back to this is too; I was slightly shaken up when the words "it's over" popped up on my screen. And I'm sure you thought telling me that you were back with her would make me feel terrible. Strangely it didn't. I stood a little taller after that because that confirmed my beliefs in thinking I could do better than you. Because you conformed and was easily satisfied with someone who beat you, put you down, cheated on you, and lied to you. The one who has been sucking money from you.

Free. Thank you for my freedom. You gave me the freedom to soar and that I have. I don't have someone whining that they can't see me while I'm traveling. He encourages me way more than you did. I have two little girls that make my world twirl in a way that makes me so happy. And my friends? Well thank you for that too. +Jessica helped me through so much and not just you, that is what made me want to have her in my life for eternity. Most of my bridesmaid and wedding guests will be people you screwed over and you know they are all doing so much better without you in them and I am one of those too. 

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